June 13, 2021, was one of the worst days of my life! My mother called and informed me that my father had passed. Although I was extremely sad, I wasn’t the least bit surprised, because 2 years prior, God had informed and prepped me that his time was coming to an end. The day before his passing, I drove two hours to go see him, and it seemed as though everything was trying to stop me from going. Traffic was jammed packed and so backed up, I thought someone had thrown money on the freeway. We were literally driving at a snail’s pace, but I didn’t let the congestion turn me around. I kept going, because I was determined to see my dad. I had no inkling that he was about to speedily transition. All I knew, I just needed to get there. I must’ve called the nursing home at least ten times, to alert them that I was still coming, although I was delayed.
After what seemed like forever, I finally made it, to what I believe was in the nick of time. When I entered into his room, he was almost unrecognizable, because he looked like half the person he used to be. My dad had always been a pretty big fella, but when he became ill and reduced to a feeding tube, he was maybe a fraction of the size he used to be. I whispered in his ear and said, “Pops, it’s me, Deetra, your daughter.” I wasn’t expecting him to reply back or remember, after all, he had Dementia, and a lot of times, he didn’t know who I was. Nevertheless, I placed a Father’s Day card on his food table, and threw myself against him, while embracing him with a hug.
He was motionless and I was sad, because the man I had just seen 15 days prior, was not the man in front of me. I always knew my dad was racing against the clock, but I had no idea, his last hour was almost upon him. I went out into the hallway and found Daniel, his nurse, and I asked, “What’s going on with him? Has he been this way all morning?” He replied, “Had I known you were coming, I would’ve persuaded you not too, because your dad has been unresponsive all week.” I’m glad he didn’t, because I knew it was meant for me to be there. When I went back in, I took another good look at him, and said, “I’ll be back next Sunday to see you for Father’s Day,” not realizing he’d be dead the very next day. Although I felt like he had died alone, I find comfort in knowing, he somehow knew I was there. During the entire time of his demise, I always prayed to God to heal him. When I realized He wouldn’t, I prayed for a smooth transition.
A lot of times, we are forced to deal with some very unfortunate and hurtful situations. We think we know how to handle them, but when they come, it’s so much more than what we bargained for. Rather than continue to be selfish and want my dad around, so that I could be happy, I wanted God to release him from his suffering, so that he could be at peace. Now I have peace in knowing he’s no longer in pain, but also in a better place.
Although this post is quite melancholy, hopefully, it’ll give someone the strength to release and allow who or what they are holding onto, to peacefully move on.
Until next time my NOTE takers!