I love football! Every Saturday, I would be seated in the living room, watching and waiting for Alabama to take down their next victim. Aside from them being an outstanding team, one thing I noticed in particular, is the loyalty and love their fans have for them. It doesn’t matter who Alabama is up against or if they have to travel to another state to play, the fans will be there screaming in the stands. If they win the game or take a loss, the fans are screaming in the stands. If the weather is hot or extremely cold, the fans are screaming in the stands. If they secure the championship or get eliminated, the fans are STILL screaming in the stands. There are times you’re going to lose in life, find yourself in hot situations and weather a many of storms, but through it all, someone will always be screaming in the stands for you!
Surround yourself with people who always lift you up, regardless of how many times you fall down!
Have you been caught in an avalanche, and didn’t know if you’d be rescued or recovered? Suddenly, you began to suffocate and become overwhelmed with anxiety and the uncertainty of “what next”. By now, you’re in full panic mode, because the light you once saw, is now overcome by darkness. At this point, you’re scared and beyond afraid, because you thought you were just stressed, but turns out, you’ve been buried. You start to claw at rock (problem) after rock (problem), but no sooner than you remove one, another comes.
I can hear my momma say, “I can’t win for losing”, but you haven’t lost if you are still here! Life will take you on an emotional roller coaster, but remember, once the ride is over, GET OFF! Don’t feel as though you have to have problems, just because you have them. I know some people won’t get that, but just because you are going through something, doesn’t mean you have to. You can elect to come out of your situation at anytime, but the question is, do you really want to?
You’re going to always experience problems, but until you reach the day you have a problem with your problems, you’ll continue to be buried. Don’t stay down, just because you feel as though you won’t ever come up! If the rocks become too heavy for you to remove, call for help! Although we’d like to try, we can’t always do everything on our own.
I want a lot of things, and although I don’t always get most of them, one thing’s for sure, I’m going to certainly try! I already wear a thousands hats, and I’ve decided to add another one to my collection: Grant Writer! Writing is a gift that I’ve been blessed with, and I love what I do! I’ve always known I wanted to write for the rest of my life, whether paid or not, and get excited every time I get a pen in my hand.
Recently, I wanted to go beyond the parameters I tried to confine myself to, and seek to become a Grant Writer. After doing my research, I decided to invest my time, energy and efforts, and enrolled online to fulfill (one of many) my dreams. I’m a week into class, and let’s just say, I’ll need to know more than just writing, in order to become a Grant Writer. To be honest, writing is just a pre-requisite to getting started.
Although I was extremely overwhelmed by the wealth of information I’ve learned this far, it’s not enough to make me want to give up and quit. Often, this is too many peoples story, because they don’t want to put in the work and often look for shortcuts (see post on “No shortcuts to success”). However, anything worth having is worth fighting for, so I’m going to fight and stay with this, until I reach my goal, of becoming a Certified Grant Writing Consultant.
I know there have probably been times where you were told, you weren’t going to amount to anything, or that was just too impossible for you to do. But, “nothing’s impossible when the word itself says ‘possible'”. You can do anything you set your mind to do, and the age old expression still stands: the sky is the limit! Don’t settle or subscribed to someone else’s ideologies for your life, when you’re the one that’s got to do the living!
Remember, the opportunities are limitless….How many do you want?
I love “love”, and even though I’m not in it, I sit and dream of the day it’ll find me. Speaking of find, often times, I find myself gravitating towards seasoned (older) men. To be honest, they’re all I seem to be attracted to. It’s not that younger men don’t appeal to me, but I just feel a mature man is more prepared to offer me a lot of things that I need: stability and protection (to name a couple)….two of the most important things I longed for in a father. It wasn’t until I became older, that I realized the reason for my attraction to seasoned men. I was desperately trying to obtain the things from them that I needed, but didn’t get from my “father”. But, I know I can’t expect my husband to be my “daddy”. Without an ounce of shame, I am 34 years old, and still looking for a father! Without lodging any (more) attacks, I was not fortunate enough to have a father, or father-figure growing up. Although there was a male present in the home, his presence was not there.
I wasn’t a “daddy’s girl”, nor did I have anyone to protect or provide (financially, emotionally or physically) for me. There was no“Knight and Shining Armor” or a man that I wanted my husband to be “just like”. If anything, I wanted him to be the complete opposite! I know the saying goes that “a woman’s first love is her father”, but I never got the chance to experience that. That put me in a position (and still does) of complete disservice as a child and teenager. To be honest, there’s nothing I find more cruel than someone who willingly refuses to participate in the life of the person they “participated” in helping to create.
Because of that, I’ve experienced a lot of resentment, anger, hate and years of unforgiveness towards my “father”. Besides, how am I to know what my children’s father is supposed to be or do, when I didn’t have anyone to serve as that model for me?
You’re still what I need!
I know people are probably saying, “just let it go”, “the past is the past”, but how can I, when it’s still affecting me mentally and emotionally, not to mention, my relationships with men. I know how I want to be treated by a man, but I should’ve had someone teaching me the things to look for, watch out for and not settle for. Instead, I had to take what I experienced as a child, and use that as my guide for “dealing” with men. That’s not to say men know it all when it comes to other men, nor should you expect one to tell you everything there is to know about men, because somethings are just pure common sense. However, I believe had I had that male role model, it would’ve saved me from a few hiccups in my life, as it relates to men and relationships.
Regardless if you’re a young male or female, the role a father plays in your life is absolutely important and necessary. We can agree or disagree, but a mother (no matter how much credit she gives to herself) cannot play or fill the void of a father! There are some things a woman can’t give to her child(ren), like a father would, and vice versa. Although I am extremely fortunate to have my mother in my life, and despite her being there growing up, there are just somethings she couldn’t provide to me that my “father” needed to. If that were the case, I wouldn’t be writing this.
Men, please understand that you are valued, loved and play a huge integral role in the lives of your child(ren), regardless if you’ve been told different. I don’t care what your relationship is with your children’s mother, just don’t use it as an excuse to not play your part.
If you willingly choose to walk away or neglect your responsibilities, not only will you invoke immense pain upon your children, but they too may end up in Counseling one day, just as I am, trying to deal with the b****** my “father” did to me!
Sounds like hurt? Probably because I still am….just as I’m still questioning and still wondering what it would’ve been like had I had a father. I know I’m older, but no matter how old you get, everyone still needs their father!
I am Deetra La’Rue, a 34-year-old Writer hailing from Montgomery, AL. I’ve been writing poetry passionately since the age of 14, and have recently expanded into self-help/motivational books. I recently published my first book, Glitter but no gold: How I turned my wounds into wisdom, and am gearing up for the release of my second book, Let’s TALK! Conversations that need to be had, but often go undone. I’ve been through some pretty rough situations in my life, and I always remained quiet, because I just knew, there was no way no one could experience the things I had. But, after the release of my first book and realizing the commonality I had with others, I decided to start a website that would serve as motivation and encouragement to everyone all over the world! So many times we find ourselves in detrimental situations that we feel we’ll never get out of. However, it doesn’t matter how your story starts, but how it ends, and you CAN DETERMINE how it ends! So friends, (I don’t consider you to be a visitor, because that implies you’re only here for a little while) you can expect to receive daily notes and positive affirmations that will help you find the very thing I found for myself….happiness and freedom!
Writefully yours,
Deetra La’Rue
It’s okay to fall down sometimes. Just don’t stay there! — Deetra La’Rue
