Hurting to heal

I love God! I know, shocker. Obviously, I was being facetious, but my relationship with God hasn’t always been “that great.” One of the biggest influences of that, has been the things I’ve gone through. Most of which were pretty bad, but somehow I was able to make it through, even though I didn’t want to be in it to begin with. For that reason alone, I used to be very angry and resentful towards God. I often questioned how can someone who says they love me, sit back and watch me suffer? Especially, when it was within His power to change my situation. However, I continued to hurt, while resenting Him still. This went on for years, and things begin to look up for me, only to fall apart again. Like an elevator, I’d go up and down. Up and down. Up and down, until I was down and couldn’t seem to get back up. It was one thing right after the next, and things had gotten so bad, I couldn’t look for the positives, because I always expected the negatives.

There’s no way God could be with me, because it felt like He had left me. Not only was I hurting, but I was hurting alone. “God, you promised. You said you’d never leave me nor forsake me, yet I’m going through this by myself. Of all people in the world, why did you choose me? Why am I in pain?” He responded, “It’s all apart of my plan. You might not understand it, but your hurt is going to help others heal.” Everything I’ve gone through was not wasted. I had to go through what I did, so I could help someone else get through their pain. I’ve come to the realization that things were never about me, but always about them. Did I like it? No, but it made me change my perspective of God and drew me closer than ever to Him. This journey hasn’t been easy, but knowing my pain and suffering is only for a little while, makes it a little easier to continue on, instead of giving up.

Remember, everything that involves you, isn’t always about you!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Deetra La’Rue

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