To die for

Two of the many things that often keep me up at night, is thinking whether or not I deserve something or if I’m worthy of anything. I’ve said this before, but it can be a little difficult for me to accept gifts or praise from people, because I began to question if I truly deserve it, let alone am worthy of it. I’ve sat countless of times and recollected where this feeling stems from, but I just can’t seem to pinpoint the source of my negative thinking. However, although I doubt myself, I know there’s one person who doesn’t. In fact, He knows how worthy and deserving I am, that He was willing to prove it, by dying.

That’s huge that He would be willing to lay down His life for someone He’d never met, let alone heard of. If Jesus thinks so much of me, then why can’t I think the same for myself? There are days I struggle and still question, “Why me”, but then I can’t help but to counter with, “Why not me”? No one is perfect, and truth be told, I wouldn’t want to be. I’m not going to always get it right, the first, second or third time, but what I do know is, I’m the right person, to receive everything good that happens to me, and so do you! I’ve lived with guilt for a long time, and was afraid (and sometimes still am) to share my good news with others, because of their negative reaction.

For the most part, the responses are good, but I guess after the blessings continues, it can be a little too much for them to handle. I began to become almost ashamed of what God was doing for me, because I allowed people to make me feel as though I was not deserving of greatness, when I know that’s all I’m destined for. Besides, I can’t fail, when I have someone who has my back, that has never experienced a loss. Although people may not think highly of me, let alone much, one thing I am for certain of, and that is the fact that I am to die for! Don’t let anyone question your value, when you are invaluable to God.

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Happy Again: Adding the value back to your life

For a very long time, I felt lost (more like deserted), and I just didn’t know which way to go. If I went left, would things suddenly go “right” for me, or would I continue to wonder around endlessly, looking for my peace and joy…from someone/something else? Like you, I often found myself attaching my happiness to a person, place or thing, but the only thing that could make me happy, was me!

I remember when I was a teenager, I always dreamed of moving to New York, and eventually Atlanta, Georgia, because I thought that’s where my happiness, career, husband, and life was. If nothing or no one could fix what I was going through, then a move across the world would surely do it. I’ve been to Atlanta more times than I can count, and although I was happy when I got there, there was nothing that’d make me happier, than leaving.

The same can be said for New York. I visited NYC for almost a week, and although it was everything that I dreamed it would be and saw on t.v., within 3 days, I was ready to go. I was happy to have experienced the moment, but I was even more happier to get back home to Alabama. I didn’t understand fully that I was attaching my happiness to destinations, until I read an article by Psychologist Dr. Robert Holden, on “Destination Addiction”. He states that, “Destination Addiction is a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is found somewhere else”.

For years, I tied my happiness to different states and people. I foolishly thought a city could give me what I needed, and when I went, it was nothing but a temporarily delight. My happiness faded away, because I was not happy where I was. When I became an adult and entered into my 30’s, I found my happiness, and sad to say, it was in a place that I knew existed, but kept hidden for so long (me)! My happiness brought me joy, peace and more importantly, it added the value back to my life that I had taken away.

Everyone has a choice, so if you’re unhappy, that’s your choice! Quit tying your happiness to places, people or things, because they will disappoint you every time.

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue