Posted in relationships

Finishing the puzzle

Have you ever met a woman that was so desperate for love, she gave up her entire being just for the corner of a man’s heart?  The old saying goes, “A piece of a man is better than no man”.  But, no man is worth having if he doesn’t add to a woman’s life, but instead takes away from her value.

At some point in her life, every woman has dreamt about her ideal man, planned her wedding and even picked out names for her unborn children (or maybe that’s just me). But to what extent would she be willing to go to get that “happy” ending?  Is losing her sense of identity worth the cost of being happy? 

Unfortunately, a lot of women become so caught up in the things that they want, that they neglect to take care of their own needs.  Rather than be patient and wait on the man that God has for us, we instead try to create him.  However, sometimes what we want is not necessarily what we may need. What we fail to realize is that you can be in a relationship with someone, but not have ownership of their heart. 

In other words, what good is it to have the key to a man’s heart, if it doesn’t unlock it?  No matter how hard we try to twist and turn the lock, it fails to open.  In more ways than one, relationships are a lot like puzzles.  We as women have all the pieces (signs), but are too afraid to put it together, because the whole idea of being finished (broken up) scares us, because there’s nothing left to do, but move on.

Rather than move on, we frantically check the box (hold on) hoping that maybe all of the pieces aren’t there.  Truth of the matter, they always were.  But, for some apparent reason, we can’t fathom the idea of being alone.  Immediately, we find fault and blame ourselves for the demise of our relationship, because of something we may or may not have done.  Therefore, we change ourselves and try to fit the description of what someone says we should be.

As a result, we ultimately end up not liking the person we’ve become.  While we were so busy finding love, we managed to lose ourselves in the process.  What’s even sadder is a man doesn’t realize he had a good woman until she’s gone.  Even then, he still doesn’t realize, because he never paid enough attention to even know she was there.  Besides, I don’t want a man whose ego is bigger than his heart.

He’ll never be able to love me, because he’s too busy loving himself. Truth be told, a woman should never fall for a man and expect him to pick her up, when he is the sole reason she is down.  Love is a beautiful thing, but it means nothing when you can’t feel it! Ladies, know your worth, but most importantly, know when to move on.

Until next time Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Posted in relationships

Cinderella ain’t dead!

Keep dreaming….happy endings still come true! ~Deetra La’Rue

I’m a hopeless romantic, sometimes a little too hopeful, strung out on the idea of being in love.  There was a point in time in which I thought I was, but the idea quickly faded, soon after he did. I can remember experiencing what I thought to be my Prince Charming, however, he lacked the charm and was anything but royal. As a child, I’ve always been fond of fairytales, and found myself caught up in planning my own happy ending.  Cinderella and Ariel were two of my favorites to watch, but I didn’t like the fact that those Princesses didn’t look like me, in fact, none of them did. It wasn’t until I saw the Princess and the Frog, and finally realized that brown girls can be of royalty too!

I’ve been entangled in a couple of failed “situations”, in which I thought I had my knight and shining armor.  Even though they didn’t turn out as planned, I still raced to sleep at night. After my prayers and talk with God, I closed my eyes and watched the movie reel of my love life, but when I awakened, my fairy god-mother is nowhere to be found. But, I still continue to dream, because I know there is a man out there for me, and one day soon, I’m going to get my happy ending. I know that the cartoons and movies like to sell viewers what they call the “fantasy life”, because they think it’s the closest to what we’ll get to real.

Besides, they think a woman being “swept off her feet” is nothing but a figment of one’s imagination or just a really sweet “dream”. However, I know Kings and Queens do exist, and our significant other is waiting for the day we cross paths. Unfortunately for us, sometimes we allow our impatience to get the best of us, that we go seek the very thing or person, God says is supposed to find us. We’re exhausted, lonely, single and most of all, tired of watching others live happily ever after. Immediately, our thoughts begin to get the best of us, because we can’t understand why their dreams are coming true, and we’re still sound asleep.

Rather than sit still, we become huntsmen and lie in the cut, waiting to attack our prey. Days, months and years go by, and still no “kill”. The moment we give up is the moment we realize why we haven’t caught anyone…..it’s because WE ARE the prey! Men are supposed to hunt for us! In all honesty, that’s why a lot of times we experience some heartache and pain, is because we go and “find” the man we think is right for us, when he’s anything but. Dam*it, we want our happy ending, and we’ll do whatever it takes until we get it, except WAIT!

I know you may be lonely, in need of companionship, watching all your friends get married and have babies, but you can (and will) have it too! You’ve got to be faithful and know that God’s timing is going to be the right time for you! What you see others being blessed with, is because God said it’s their time. Don’t miss out on great opportunities or allow life to pass you by, because you’re too busy obsessing over finding the perfect man. I spent many if not all, of my twenties trying to “find” my husband, when I should’ve been trying to find myself!

I didn’t know who I was until I entered into my thirties, and I’m so finally happy to have met my acquaintance. Silly, right? In all reality, I’m so happy for this “alone time”, because I have so many business endeavors, PLENTY of time to write and work on my goals, as well as being able to travel and go as I please. Let’s be honest, if I were married or in a relationship with children, I wouldn’t be able to go so freely, because my time would have to be spread out equally. That’s why I don’t really stress about love anymore, because I know when the time is right, it’ll (he) find me! Ladies enjoy your me time and keep dreaming, because happy endings still come true!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Posted in New beginnings

Tis the “Season”: Out with the old, embrace the new!

If we’re real honest with ourselves, some people are only “temporary delights”. They come into our lives for a moment in time to serve whatever their intended purpose is, and then we should let them go. ~Deetra La’Rue

Relationships can be very fickle, because they’re here one day and gone the next. I never understood what people meant when they spoke of “seasons” from a contextual standpoint. Sometimes my small mind can’t make inferences or “put two and two together”, but I later learned the reference was towards the actual four seasons we may or may not experience (I live in Alabama….trust me, we may get three seasons if we’re lucky). When I learned the clear meaning behind the metaphor, I finally knew the reason why so many people came and went in my life.

Just like the seasons, those particular friendships and relationships had their time limit.  Although a few of them had the luxury of experiencing far too many seasons with me, eventually, I had to change my clothes (let them go) to prepare for the new weather.  I like to be pretty consistent, because sometimes I’m afraid of change, and the unknown that’s associated with it.  That’s probably one of the main reasons why I fell in love with a particular season, and didn’t want to let go to embrace the upcoming one. I knew had I made a change, it meant letting go of the past, which ultimately is what some people have been reduced to.

If we’re real honest with ourselves, some people are only “temporary delights”. They come into our lives for a moment in time to serve whatever their intended purpose is, and then we should let them go.  Notice I said “we should let them go”, because they aren’t going to release themselves.  They’ll stay for as long as we allow, knowing all along they don’t have good intentions, but the benefits they receive are far too good to give up. I found myself entangled in an unhealthy situation for six seasons, because I kept thinking eventually the “weather” would get better. If anything, it didn’t and it only became more dreary and cold.

Besides, he wasn’t going to go anywhere, because he knew what he was receiving from me (i.e. too much time, energy, support, etc.) was too substantial and valuable; something you would think he could get from someone else, but he couldn’t. Let’s face it, no woman or man is/was going to put up with that, unless he or she was in the place I used to be in, desperate and lonely (reserve the judgment and applaud my bravery; I’m trying to be more transparent here). 

When I got tired of trying to hold onto the leaves (people) that the wind (God) was trying to blow away from me, I released my hold and finally just let them go!  They had become discolored, unrecognizable (changed) and was simply not something I needed to keep anymore.  After they were blown out of sight and eventually out of mind, I prepared for what was to come next! I knew I had to release the old, especially to embrace (and appreciate) the new! All along, God had something better for me, but because I kept bringing old people into my new season, I experienced a cold front far longer than I should have.  It took me awhile to see sunny days, because they were constantly being overshadowed by the (unintended) people around me. Nonetheless, I’ve finally got the hang of it, and have no problems letting people go!  

Writefully yours, 

Deetra La’Rue

Posted in Family and Relationships

Dear Family

Image result for dear family letter
I’m leaving, but I’ll be back! 

When I think of family, unity, love and support are the characteristics that quickly come to mind. When I was younger, I starved for those things, but as I’ve evolved and gotten older, I no longer feel the need for them…especially from people who aren’t genuine, willing or ready to give them to me. I know some people don’t show their feelings easily or aren’t open to expressing “love” and “signs of affection”, because they may feel uncomfortable.

However, when you are a part of a family, these things shouldn’t even be a matter of question, unless you aren’t “a part” of your family.  I lack no hesitation to say, I feel as though I’m not very much a part of mine.  About 4-5 years ago, I found myself slowly but surely, drifting apart from them.  Family functions didn’t excite me anymore, and going out together seemed more of a hassle, as opposed to fun.

But, for the sake of keeping “stuff” down, I obliged.  Physically, I was there, but mentally I had tapped out before I left the house.  Now, that’s not to say my folks are bad people, but whenever we would get together, “noise” was always made, and I somehow was responsible for it.

Grudges are held, attitudes are formed and conversations that used to be continuous are now non-existent.  I know, because I’m soooo guilty of it!  Nonetheless, I still somehow feel we should be able to come together and support each other, because after all, that’s what family is for…. or so, I thought.  

One of the most affirming things to me, was when I wrote my first book, Glitter but no gold: How I turned my wounds into wisdom.  I was so excited for my book signing, so I invited my family to not only attend, but to purchase a book, or two.  However, what I experienced was a little (I expected it) disappointment.  I’ll admit, I was very hurt and upset, but then again, the feeling didn’t last very long.  I knew the majority of them weren’t going to support me, for the simple fact of it being me! 

No longer phased by their actions or sweating the small stuff, I chose to further distance myself from them.  Let’s face it, I’ve wanted to break away from them for quite some time now.  Just so we’re clear, they were not sabotaging me or causing me any physical harm, but they were destroying my peace of mind! However, I always had these feelings of betrayal, but how could I betray them, if I was doing what was best for me?

Yes, they are my family, but sometimes you’ve got to walk away from people, so you can walk into the life God has willed for you.  Those people might be friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend and even family.  However, just because you love them, doesn’t mean you’re to be around them!

My writing career is taking off and my dreams have begun to come to fruition.  There are so many wonderful things I see happening for my life, but I can’t attain them, unless I create some space between me and some of the people I love.

Maybe that’s what you need to do for yourself too! Don’t subscribe to anyone else’s ideas, plans or goals for your life.  Be your own individual and do the things you want to do, regardless if they support you or not!  It’s okay to love them from afar, and not pass opportunities by, because you are afraid of leaving someone behind.

For a very long time, that’s what I’ve been held hostage to.  I would often say, “Oh my gosh, I want to do such and such, but my family will still be Montgomery, while I’m over here just living my life”…and I’m perfectly okay with that! Besides, I can always leave and see them when I get back! 

Writefully yours, 

Deetra La’Rue