The Purge

“When I make it, I’m bringing everybody with me”! Have you ever questioned the reason as to why you don’t have something you want, is because you are holding on to something you don’t need? You desperately want to win in life and can’t, because they’re the reason you keep losing! You don’t understand, they’ve been there with me during my struggle”, but what if they are the cause of the struggle? I know you want to have friends, but some people can’t be to you what you are to them, not because they don’t know how, but because they don’t want to. I went through a period in my life, where I thought I had three of the strongest and most loyal people on my team, that I was proud to call friend. As the years went by and when I started to move up, they were strategically planning to bring me down. Although I saw the signs, was subjected to their jealousy and a victim of their false adoration, I still tried to bring them along. I carried them with me for years, but I eventually had to “cut off my hand to save my arm”. What I thought I needed, was the very thing I had to get rid of.

There is going to come a time in your life where you need to purge yourself of some people. Regardless of the attachment, if it’s not beneficial to you, then you need to considering detaching yourself from it. Granted you want everybody to share in your success, but you can’t, when they’re secretly conspiring to stop it. Although they may have acted as though they were for you and with you, they really were against you! You can’t pick up everybody and allow them to enjoy the ride, when they want it to be over (for you). “Everybody can’t go on your journey. It’s yours for a reason”.

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

I have decided…

Today, I decided I was tired of pretending.

Pretending I didn’t care…..

Pretending I am strong…..

Pretending “it” didn’t bother me…..

Pretending “they” didn’t matter…..

Pretending that “words” don’t hurt me……

I was perfectly okay with living a lie, because it meant I didn’t have to face the truth…..or, the fact that it hurt! Majority of the posts I write are NOT for you, but me. I need the strength of my words to hold me up, when I can no longer do it myself. I tend to carry loads in excess of hurt, problems (most not my own) and pain, when I don’t have to. I’m (and you) very fortunate and blessed, to have someone graciously offer to carry my burdens for me, but I have to first be willing to give them up. Still thinking I’m made of steel, I continue to maintain my tough exterior and ability to withstand anything, when on the inside, I’m dying from everything. Will I survive? Where is the resilience I proudly boast of?

My cape is gone…..

My superpowers cease to exist…..

I am vulnerable, and it’s scary, because now I’m susceptible to EVERYTHING, when I told myself, I wasn’t. However, I have decided, that none of it matters…..because, I’m done pretending!

Be yourself….

Be truthful…..

Be the reason for someone else’s strength…sometimes, it takes them seeing you do it, so they know it can be done!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

I used to love you, but…..

I used to love you, but…..you’ve changed!

I’m not saying that isn’t a good thing, but it just isn’t good for me

You’ve taken away all of my benefits and have left me to fend for myself

Now who am I going to use?

I can’t make it without you, and even if I tried, it just wouldn’t be the same

You covered me, had my back and put me in a position to win

But, ever since you walked away, I’ve done nothing but lose

There’s no way I can make a comeback unless you come back!

So what? You’re just gonna leave me hanging like that?

You think you’re better than me now?

Well, before you go putting your head in the clouds

Just remember, I know who you are

You can run all you’d like, but you can never get away from me

I…..CREATED…..YOU

How dare you try to change, when we’ve been together for so long?

What is it? Am I not good enough for you now?

It’s funny what change will do to you, but that’s okay, because I don’t need you anyway!

Go ahead and have your fun, but I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you

When you find out things aren’t all you thought they’d be, you’ll be back

And I’ll be right here waiting

Sometimes it can be hard to change, especially when you are so used to being a certain way. You want to grow and get better, but a lot of times, you get in your own way. You’ll sabotage your growth, because even you aren’t comfortable with who you’re becoming. It’s okay to change, but don’t allow who you used to be, keep you from who you’re supposed to be!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

At least I didn’t give up

I don’t feel like fighting today, so that’s it, you win

Call me lazy, worthless or whatever you may, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already done the same

Every new day is looking more and more like the old

And I don’t think I can continue to relive the past

I should be over this, but I’m not, so bear with me while I talk this shit out

I need to get a grip, but when I think I do, I lose my handle

I’m tired and have never worked so hard to live

Funny, because I make life seem so easy, right?

Um, yeah, about that…..I have a very good way of manipulating one’s perception

I’m what you would call the “Pen and Teller” of distortion

Because I’ll have you seeing one thing, when it’s something entirely different

Tricks aren’t necessarily my thing, but hey, when you’re desperate, you’ll use whatever you have

Speaking of have, have you ever wondered why people talk about the same thing over and over again?

For some, they’re in need of attention, others a cry for help, but for me, it’s cleansing

Every time I open my mouth to speak, I rid myself of toxins

Otherwise, if I held on to them, they’d kill me…..literally!

Sheesh! The struggle is real, but I want to be able to say I got through it

You probably don’t get me, understand me or my reason for doing what I do

And much like you I sometime feel the same

However, while you’re so busy trying to figure me out

I’m here wondering if I’ll make it out of bed today

My life is like a whirlpool, stuck in one never-ending cycle

But, although I’m not at my best, at least I didn’t give up

I know a lot of my posts are repetitive, hard, admittedly depressing and no doubt “dark”. However, the more and more I talk about my struggles, the closer I get to the “light”. For those of you still struggling to make it through the tunnel, hold on, “A change is going to come”!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Making decisions

Why is it so easy for us to hold onto things/people that don’t mean us well, yet we struggle with letting go of what’s not meant to be? It’s shameful almost, because in our minds, we’ve created this fantasy that we so desperately try to live in. We’ll suffer, endure hurt and pain, all because we want to “make it work”. However, no matter how much we try to make things right, they’ll always go wrong.

I don’t like “forced things”, yet surprisingly, I find myself almost always in forced situations. I used to stay, because I didn’t want to receive the backlash I assumed I’d get, for hurting someone’s feelings or telling them “no”. All along, I knew those situations or people weren’t good for me or to me, but again, I stayed, because I simply didn’t want to be bothered with the….

Nonetheless, regardless of what choice I made, the outcome always remained the same. I was pleasing them, although I was displeased with myself! How did I get to the point of allowing others to dictate who and what I was? What I did, and how I did it? I wasn’t a puppet, so I couldn’t understand why I was allowing people to control my strings.

Better yet, I demanded the ventriloquist take his/her hand out my back, because I was ready to speak for my d…..self! I ultimately made the decision to let go of people and their b…….I wasn’t taking anymore of what they were giving, because I didn’t benefit from it anyway. Essentially, I stood up for myself, and have been ever since. Besides, I can’t live in fear of people’s backlash, when I don’t fear them!

If a situation or person is not of benefit to you, then end it! Don’t allow someone to hold you hostage, because they’re fearful of you once you become free! Stand up for yourself and make the choice to walk away! After all, the decision is yours!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue