When all they have, is all they can give

Sometimes my expectations of people can be a little too high, and when they fail to deliver, I become upset and immediately want to “cut them loose”. I’d like to consider myself as always “setting the bar high”, but even I realized, that some people aren’t on my level (nor will they ever be), so I can’t expect them to meet me where I am. If anything, I’ve often lowered myself to meet them where they were.

After so many people “failed to meet my expectations”, I’d considered them useless and no longer valuable to my life. One of my many Sundays in church, the Pastor said, “Get you some people who know where you’re trying to go and live their lives on that level”. That resonated with me, because I felt like the so-called group that I affiliated myself with, just wasn’t on my level, nor were they trying to get there. After years of putting up with this, I started “cutting people loose”.

I saw no guilt or wrong in what I was doing, because ultimately I was doing myself a favor…..and a huge one at that! Besides, I was always tired of constantly supporting people and being there for them, but them not for me. I’d like to consider myself “Johnny on the spot”, and if there was anything someone needed from me or of me, I delivered, regardless if I had prior obligations or not. To me, they always came first.

However, when it came time to be there for me, they were “Absent Abby” or “Disappearing Dan” and always had an excuse. Why? Why couldn’t people be there for me the way I am for them? After self-reflecting and heavy counsel, it was all put in perspective for me. One, my expectations of people were incredibly too high. Two, people gave me only what they were able to offer. Although I’m always there for others, particularly physically and emotionally, they couldn’t give those things to me, because they didn’t know how.

Some of them were good at calling to check on me, supplied me with laughter to keep me from crying or provided encouragement when I needed to be lifted up, because that’s all they could offer me! I came to the realization (and accepted), that people were there for me in ways that they could be. Just because I was everything to them, doesn’t mean that I should’ve (or should) expected that of them. Some people are not good at being supportive, and it’s probably because they didn’t have a good support system or simply lacked it.

I had to stop cutting people off, just because they failed to meet my expectations. However, there were some people who were clearly taking advantage of me, never inpoured anything into me, yet always managed to take from me, whether it be my time, money or energy, so those I needed to let go. Before you decide to let a person or some people loose, because they aren’t everything to you, just as you are to them, remember, all they give you is probably all they have (or know how to give)!

Until next time Note takers,

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Tis the “Season”: Out with the old, embrace the new!

If we’re real honest with ourselves, some people are only “temporary delights”. They come into our lives for a moment in time to serve whatever their intended purpose is, and then we should let them go. ~Deetra La’Rue

Relationships can be very fickle, because they’re here one day and gone the next. I never understood what people meant when they spoke of “seasons” from a contextual standpoint. Sometimes my small mind can’t make inferences or “put two and two together”, but I later learned the reference was towards the actual four seasons we may or may not experience (I live in Alabama….trust me, we may get three seasons if we’re lucky). When I learned the clear meaning behind the metaphor, I finally knew the reason why so many people came and went in my life.

Just like the seasons, those particular friendships and relationships had their time limit.  Although a few of them had the luxury of experiencing far too many seasons with me, eventually, I had to change my clothes (let them go) to prepare for the new weather.  I like to be pretty consistent, because sometimes I’m afraid of change, and the unknown that’s associated with it.  That’s probably one of the main reasons why I fell in love with a particular season, and didn’t want to let go to embrace the upcoming one. I knew had I made a change, it meant letting go of the past, which ultimately is what some people have been reduced to.

If we’re real honest with ourselves, some people are only “temporary delights”. They come into our lives for a moment in time to serve whatever their intended purpose is, and then we should let them go.  Notice I said “we should let them go”, because they aren’t going to release themselves.  They’ll stay for as long as we allow, knowing all along they don’t have good intentions, but the benefits they receive are far too good to give up. I found myself entangled in an unhealthy situation for six seasons, because I kept thinking eventually the “weather” would get better. If anything, it didn’t and it only became more dreary and cold.

Besides, he wasn’t going to go anywhere, because he knew what he was receiving from me (i.e. too much time, energy, support, etc.) was too substantial and valuable; something you would think he could get from someone else, but he couldn’t. Let’s face it, no woman or man is/was going to put up with that, unless he or she was in the place I used to be in, desperate and lonely (reserve the judgment and applaud my bravery; I’m trying to be more transparent here). 

When I got tired of trying to hold onto the leaves (people) that the wind (God) was trying to blow away from me, I released my hold and finally just let them go!  They had become discolored, unrecognizable (changed) and was simply not something I needed to keep anymore.  After they were blown out of sight and eventually out of mind, I prepared for what was to come next! I knew I had to release the old, especially to embrace (and appreciate) the new! All along, God had something better for me, but because I kept bringing old people into my new season, I experienced a cold front far longer than I should have.  It took me awhile to see sunny days, because they were constantly being overshadowed by the (unintended) people around me. Nonetheless, I’ve finally got the hang of it, and have no problems letting people go!  

Writefully yours, 

Deetra La’Rue