Don’t know, don’t care

I don’t know why it is so hard for people (strangers at that) to just mind their own da** business! Yesterday during one of my morning routines of getting coffee and a bagel, this guy decided to openly chastise me for wearing a leg-barring dress in 65 degree weather. If you’re in Alabama, then you know the weather hasn’t quite made up its mind what it wants to do.

My first thoughts were to “bless his heart” with some unkind words, but since my attitude has changed, my mind followed suit. Instead, I looked at him, particularly his wedding band, and couldn’t figure out for the life of me, why this stranger was concerned about another stranger’s clothes. I mean seriously dude, you have a wife!

Maybe he spoke out, because he’s used to usurping power, but you can’t control someone you have no authority of. Then too, I’m not sure why he felt so comfortable expressing his feelings to me, but I made sure to express mine. I informed him that he spoke to me in a way that appeared as though he wanted me to care, but I couldn’t….and I still don’t!

From his rebuttal, he’s obviously not a fan of outspoken women, but I made it very clear, I don’t like controlling men…especially one who doesn’t stay in their place. After leaving, he still tried to continue to “make his case”, but at that point, he was “overruled” and I presented him with my “closing arguments”.

Besides, I don’t know this man, so I don’t care what the hell he has to say, let alone thinks of me. To be honest, that has been one of the stories of my life. People always want you to care, especially as it pertains to their (unsolicited) views of you. However, I am not impressed with unwanted input!

As I’ve stated before, “I would care, but this doesn’t involve me”! I’m not sure the reason for him affronting me or making such a big deal, but I’m almost for certain, whatever it was/is didn’t “involve” me! People will pick and try to cause drama for you, but don’t subscribe to their “issues”.

Until next time my Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

I would care, but this doesn’t involve me!

“Oh my gosh, they’re talking about me”, are the words circulating around in my head, as I walk past my worst enemies. More times than I’d like to admit, I’ve always cared about what others thought of me. “What are they thinking”? What are they saying”? For a long time, I imprisoned myself to those thoughts, and the idea that people simply didn’t like me.

Now, the latter is true, but for the most part, I had a pretty good bunch of people who did. I’m not sure why I was so pressed about others opinion of me, when it was simply that…their opinion. However, try telling that to a impoverished 14-year-old, who wore hand-me-downs, was made fun of constantly, and learned early on the definition of “the struggle is real”.

Sometimes, embarrassed to say, I was that girl! This self-sabotage continued for years, and only seemed to get worse. I can remember getting all my hair cut off and going natural, April of 2018. I was so excited, because I had been threatening myself with doing the “big chop” for so long. After I finally mustered up the courage to do it, suddenly I began to have second thoughts.

It was not that I was afraid of having no hair, but I was afraid of the things people would say and their reaction. Once again, I was bound by others thoughts and opinions of me. Man! What a sad way to waste your life! I couldn’t enjoy the moment of being free from all the negative things that I felt was associated with my hair, because I was too busy running to the hair store trying to find a wig to cover up.

To be honest, covering up and masking is what I have been doing for majority of my life. Not wanting to appear fazed or affected by people’s feelings towards me, I would wear a smile and portray this “bad *** persona”, that I didn’t care how people felt about me. Let me tell you, that was wearing me out! For awhile, I conceded, but when I realized I had given them power over me, I did what I needed to do to take it back!

I started tuning people out, and would often tell myself, “Those are their feelings, so you don’t have to own them”. Ultimately, when I turned a deaf ear and blind eye, they or what they said, didn’t matter to me anymore. Besides, I couldn’t “hear or see” them anyway. In life, you’ll have bullies, haters and people who simply talk for no reason at all. They’ll find any reason to pick you a part, because they don’t like themselves.

Sadly, they’ll ostracize you and enlarge your “problems” for the world to see, while minimizing theirs. It’s not anything you’ve done wrong to them, but sometimes, people are mean, because they see something in you that they want, but don’t have. Now, when I’m met with other’s thoughts and negative feelings of me, I say to myself, “I would care, but this doesn’t involve me”!

Until next my Note takers,

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue