Posted in a change is going to come

At least I didn’t give up

I don’t feel like fighting today, so that’s it, you win

Call me lazy, worthless or whatever you may, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already done the same

Every new day is looking more and more like the old

And I don’t think I can continue to relive the past

I should be over this, but I’m not, so bear with me while I talk this shit out

I need to get a grip, but when I think I do, I lose my handle

I’m tired and have never worked so hard to live

Funny, because I make life seem so easy, right?

Um, yeah, about that…..I have a very good way of manipulating one’s perception

I’m what you would call the “Pen and Teller” of distortion

Because I’ll have you seeing one thing, when it’s something entirely different

Tricks aren’t necessarily my thing, but hey, when you’re desperate, you’ll use whatever you have

Speaking of have, have you ever wondered why people talk about the same thing over and over again?

For some, they’re in need of attention, others a cry for help, but for me, it’s cleansing

Every time I open my mouth to speak, I rid myself of toxins

Otherwise, if I held on to them, they’d kill me…..literally!

Sheesh! The struggle is real, but I want to be able to say I got through it

You probably don’t get me, understand me or my reason for doing what I do

And much like you I sometime feel the same

However, while you’re so busy trying to figure me out

I’m here wondering if I’ll make it out of bed today

My life is like a whirlpool, stuck in one never-ending cycle

But, although I’m not at my best, at least I didn’t give up

I know a lot of my posts are repetitive, hard, admittedly depressing and no doubt “dark”. However, the more and more I talk about my struggles, the closer I get to the “light”. For those of you still struggling to make it through the tunnel, hold on, “A change is going to come”!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Posted in Choices

Happiness is a choice!

Are you happy? Sad? Negative or positive? Everybody is responsible for their own decisions, and I’m sick of people allowing others to influence theirs. The moment we give someone control over our emotions, essentially, we are saying, “Do as you please…….I give you all power”!

Why would you want someone to control or determine how you feel? How you live your life? How is it, that you can allow them to dictate how you feel, when half the time, they don’t even know why they’re sad? It irks me when people throw themselves pity parties, extend an invitation, and then get upset when you refuse to come.

I made the choice to make my own decisions. Nothing or no one controls me, so that way, when things don’t go as planned, I can only fault myself, because ultimately, it was “my choice”. When I got tired of struggling and playing the cards I was dealt, I “made the choice” to do better for myself.

Everyday, I choose to be happy and try not to allow what’s happening around me, to effect me! Everybody has choices, so if you are choosing to be anything other than happy, then you have to live with your decision! Stop misplacing blame and accept responsibility for your feelings and actions.

Happiness is a choice, so if you aren’t, it’s because you chose NOT too!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Posted in Choices

Making decisions

Why is it so easy for us to hold onto things/people that don’t mean us well, yet we struggle with letting go of what’s not meant to be? It’s shameful almost, because in our minds, we’ve created this fantasy that we so desperately try to live in. We’ll suffer, endure hurt and pain, all because we want to “make it work”. However, no matter how much we try to make things right, they’ll always go wrong.

I don’t like “forced things”, yet surprisingly, I find myself almost always in forced situations. I used to stay, because I didn’t want to receive the backlash I assumed I’d get, for hurting someone’s feelings or telling them “no”. All along, I knew those situations or people weren’t good for me or to me, but again, I stayed, because I simply didn’t want to be bothered with the….

Nonetheless, regardless of what choice I made, the outcome always remained the same. I was pleasing them, although I was displeased with myself! How did I get to the point of allowing others to dictate who and what I was? What I did, and how I did it? I wasn’t a puppet, so I couldn’t understand why I was allowing people to control my strings.

Better yet, I demanded the ventriloquist take his/her hand out my back, because I was ready to speak for my d…..self! I ultimately made the decision to let go of people and their b…….I wasn’t taking anymore of what they were giving, because I didn’t benefit from it anyway. Essentially, I stood up for myself, and have been ever since. Besides, I can’t live in fear of people’s backlash, when I don’t fear them!

If a situation or person is not of benefit to you, then end it! Don’t allow someone to hold you hostage, because they’re fearful of you once you become free! Stand up for yourself and make the choice to walk away! After all, the decision is yours!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue