WANTED!

Daddy I need you

I love “love”, and even though I’m not in it, I sit and dream of the day it’ll find me. Speaking of find, often times, I find myself gravitating towards seasoned (older) men. To be honest, they’re all I seem to be attracted to.   It’s not that younger men don’t appeal to me, but I just feel a mature man is more prepared to offer me a lot of things that I need: stability and protection (to name a couple)….two of the most important things I longed for in a father.   It wasn’t until I became older, that I realized the reason for my attraction to seasoned men.  I was desperately trying to obtain the things from them that I needed, but didn’t get from my “father”.   But, I know I can’t expect my husband to be my “daddy”.  Without an ounce of shame, I am 34 years old, and still looking for a father!  Without lodging any (more) attacks, I was not fortunate enough to have a father, or father-figure growing up.  Although there was a male present in the home, his presence was not there.

I wasn’t a “daddy’s girl”, nor did I have anyone to protect or provide (financially, emotionally or physically) for me.  There was no“Knight and Shining Armor” or a man that I wanted my husband to be “just like”.   If anything, I wanted him to be the complete opposite!  I know the saying goes that “a woman’s first love is her father”, but I never got the chance to experience that.  That put me in a position (and still does) of complete disservice as a child and teenager.  To be honest, there’s nothing I find more cruel than someone who willingly refuses to participate in the life of the person they “participated” in helping to create.

Because of that, I’ve experienced a lot of resentment, anger, hate and years of unforgiveness towards my “father”.   Besides, how am I to know what my children’s father is supposed to be or do, when I didn’t have anyone to serve as that model for me?

You’re still what I need!   

I know people are probably saying, “just let it go”, “the past is the past”, but how can I, when it’s still affecting me mentally and emotionally, not to mention, my relationships with men.   I know how I want to be treated by a man, but I should’ve had someone teaching me the things to look for, watch out for and not settle for. Instead, I had to take what I experienced as a child, and use that as my guide for “dealing” with men.  That’s not to say men know it all when it comes to other men, nor should you expect one to tell you everything there is to know about men, because somethings are just pure common sense.  However, I believe had I had that male role model, it would’ve saved me from a few hiccups in my life, as it relates to men and relationships.

Regardless if you’re a young male or female, the role a father plays in your life is absolutely important and necessary.  We can agree or disagree, but a mother (no matter how much credit she gives to herself) cannot play or fill the void of a father! There are some things a woman can’t give to her child(ren), like a father would, and vice versa.  Although I am extremely fortunate to have my mother in my life, and despite her being there growing up, there are just somethings she couldn’t provide to me that my “father” needed to.  If that were the case, I wouldn’t be writing this.

Men, please understand that you are valued, loved and play a huge integral role in the lives of your child(ren), regardless if you’ve been told different.  I don’t care what your relationship is with your children’s mother, just don’t use it as an excuse to not play your part.

If you willingly choose to walk away or neglect your responsibilities, not only will you invoke immense pain upon your children, but they too may end up in Counseling one day, just as I am, trying to deal with the b****** my “father” did to me!

Sounds like hurt? Probably because I still am….just as I’m still questioning and still wondering what it would’ve been like had I had a father.  I know I’m older, but no matter how old you get, everyone still needs their father!

Writefully yours, 

Deetra La’Rue

WARNING! Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

WARNING! This is NOT a test! 

My name is Deetra La’Rue and I am a HUGE pie lover! Two of the best pies I love to eat, are sweet potato pie and key lime pie. Although they are both delicious, neither can compare to my absolute favorite, “humble pie”. I used to fight my past and tried every way possible to keep others from knowing what really happened to me. I was embarrassed about my upbringing and fearful of how others would perceive me, let alone act towards me.  As I grew older, I no longer wrestled with the idea of what people thought of me, but more so what I thought of myself. I knew I wasn’t the first to encounter adversity and challenges, so suddenly, I didn’t feel the need to be ashamed.

I knew God was using my situation to benefit others, as opposed to bringing me out of mine. No matter how much I fantasized or dreamt of finally “making it”, one thing I’ve always remembered, is to remain humble.   I’ve read many rags to riches stories and was disgusted at the fact that many people quickly forgot where they came from, no sooner than God blessed them with what they have.  The rich persona they portray to others was an attempt to downplay the poor person they used to be, while leading people to believe they were always “about that life”. That ******* irritated me!   I’ve never been too keen on the idea of people placing themselves above others or at the top of the hierarchy to increase their self-esteem and appear impressive,to say the least.

“***** BE HUMBLE”

No matter how successful I become, I’ll always remember where I come from and what I come from. Although my past is in my rear view mirror, it reminds me that “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”. Those objects alone humble me, and can resurface at any moment in time, if we’re not careful of how we treat others and good stewards over what God has given us. I used to have aspirations of being this rich, superstar, but I never subscribed to the idea of being too big that others couldn’t touch me.  

Honestly, my true identity would battle the facade, and not allow me to become so full of myself. I’ve had many people try to place me atop a pedestal, but I quickly asked to be taken down.  I had to let them know, I’m not above anyone, and besides, I am terrified of heights! I wish more people were cognizant of their past, so they can better handle their future. It’s not to say they should be held hostage to it, but it would at least give them a sensitive heart and feelings on how to deal with people, who share the same background as them.  I understand that no one wants to be reminded of where they come from, but sometimes we need it to help remind us of who not to become.

I get it! Palatial pads are nice to come home to, luxurious cars are great to drive and designer handbags and accessories are cute to own, but none of it is more valuable than your ability to remain true to who you are, and not the person you want others to believe you to be.  My integrity, values and staying real (regardless of how ugly my past situation was), makes me richer than 14kt gold!

Because of God, I consider myself to be pretty successful. However, if I ever had the gall to feel or act as if I’m more or better than others, I’ll take a quick look in my rear-view mirror, smile and remember, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”!

Writefully yours, 

Deetra La’Rue 

The Journey Begins

Welcome to Notes by LaRue!

I am Deetra La’Rue, a 34-year-old Writer hailing from Montgomery, AL. I’ve been writing poetry passionately since the age of 14, and have recently expanded into self-help/motivational books. I recently published my first book, Glitter but no gold: How I turned my wounds into wisdom, and am gearing up for the release of my second book, Let’s TALK! Conversations that need to be had, but often go undone. I’ve been through some pretty rough situations in my life, and I always remained quiet, because I just knew, there was no way no one could experience the things I had.  But, after the release of my first book and realizing the commonality I had with others, I decided to start a website that would serve as motivation and encouragement to everyone all over the world! So many times we find ourselves in detrimental situations that we feel we’ll never get out of.  However, it doesn’t matter how your story starts, but how it ends, and you CAN DETERMINE how it ends! So friends, (I don’t consider you to be a visitor, because that implies you’re only here for a little while) you can expect to receive daily notes and positive affirmations that will help you find the very thing I found for myself….happiness and freedom!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

It’s okay to fall down sometimes. Just don’t stay there! — Deetra La’Rue

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