Still here

Anybody that knows me, knows that I am notoriously private (well, I try to be). Sometimes, I’m pretty easy to talk to and other times I’m not (at least that’s what I’ve been told). As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve let my guard down (just a little) and try to be transparent, because I never know who I may help along the way.

It’s no secret that I share a lot of my personal hardships and life experiences on this forum. What’s simply a “post” to you, is more than words; it’s my life! As discreet as I try to be, it’s no secret my battle with depression and anxiety, amongst other things. However, one of the biggest things I’ve struggled with, is whether or not I deserved to “still be here”.

Last year, one of the biggest and bravest things I decided to do, was want more for myself. I decided that I was no longer going to be held captive to my past, my mistakes and most important, the negative thoughts I had of myself. Besides, I couldn’t fault people for not feeling or thinking positive of me, when I didn’t require it from myself.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is one of many organizations that I support (for “obvious” reasons). During one of my many days of online shopping (lol), I came across this jewelry maker on Etsy, and one of the most popular items she sold, was “still here” necklaces, that were followed by the semi-colon sign.

Well, if you are a stranger to the MI (Mental Illness) world, the semi-colon represents a “pause in one’s story, but not the end”. Depression and anxiety was not the end of me (although it tried to destroy me), so I was eager to purchase a necklace, support the cause and allow others to see how brave I was.

My bravery and transparency has allowed others to come forth and share their story. One of my students came to me yesterday, after months of being absent, stating to me why she hadn’t been as active as she needs to be. She shared with me that she is struggling very bad with depression and anxiety, so much, that she literally had to force herself out of bed, and even she doesn’t know how she was able to do it.

Immediately, I felt her anguish, pain and most of all, I felt for her, because not too long ago, I was “trying to get up out of that bed”. I knew then, why I was “still here”….

I don’t care what you are going through or have been through. Never question why you are “still here”…just be thankful that you are!

Until next time my Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue