Sometimes my expectations of people can be a little too high, and when they fail to deliver, I become upset and immediately want to “cut them loose”. I’d like to consider myself as always “setting the bar high”, but even I realized, that some people aren’t on my level (nor will they ever be), so I can’t expect them to meet me where I am. If anything, I’ve often lowered myself to meet them where they were.
After so many people “failed to meet my expectations”, I’d considered them useless and no longer valuable to my life. One of my many Sundays in church, the Pastor said, “Get you some people who know where you’re trying to go and live their lives on that level”. That resonated with me, because I felt like the so-called group that I affiliated myself with, just wasn’t on my level, nor were they trying to get there. After years of putting up with this, I started “cutting people loose”.
I saw no guilt or wrong in what I was doing, because ultimately I was doing myself a favor…..and a huge one at that! Besides, I was always tired of constantly supporting people and being there for them, but them not for me. I’d like to consider myself “Johnny on the spot”, and if there was anything someone needed from me or of me, I delivered, regardless if I had prior obligations or not. To me, they always came first.
However, when it came time to be there for me, they were “Absent Abby” or “Disappearing Dan” and always had an excuse. Why? Why couldn’t people be there for me the way I am for them? After self-reflecting and heavy counsel, it was all put in perspective for me. One, my expectations of people were incredibly too high. Two, people gave me only what they were able to offer. Although I’m always there for others, particularly physically and emotionally, they couldn’t give those things to me, because they didn’t know how.
Some of them were good at calling to check on me, supplied me with laughter to keep me from crying or provided encouragement when I needed to be lifted up, because that’s all they could offer me! I came to the realization (and accepted), that people were there for me in ways that they could be. Just because I was everything to them, doesn’t mean that I should’ve (or should) expected that of them. Some people are not good at being supportive, and it’s probably because they didn’t have a good support system or simply lacked it.
I had to stop cutting people off, just because they failed to meet my expectations. However, there were some people who were clearly taking advantage of me, never inpoured anything into me, yet always managed to take from me, whether it be my time, money or energy, so those I needed to let go. Before you decide to let a person or some people loose, because they aren’t everything to you, just as you are to them, remember, all they give you is probably all they have (or know how to give)!
Until next time Note takers,