For years, I was in a deep dark hole and I didn’t know if I’d ever come out or slide farther in. However, what I did know was, no matter what I was facing, I couldn’t let it swallow me up! I haven’t been the most vocal when it comes to Mental Awareness, but no longer faced with the concerns or scrutiny of the world, I can say without shame, I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for a very long time….since the age of 14 to be exact.
At that time, I didn’t know what is was called, but I knew something wasn’t right. There would be times I’d have “the blues”, and after a few days or so, I’d feel better. But, when the days gradually turned into weeks and months, I knew I had more than just “the blues”, but a serious problem. Although I was a little reluctant at first, I shared with my Primary Care Physician at that time, what I was battling with. After a series of tests, she gave me two options: a prescription or a referral.
Not wanting either, I eventually conceded, because I felt I had already lost anyway. I took the medication, but later stopped, because I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I saw an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) for awhile, but even that did nothing for me, except resent my PCP for referring me in the first place. After I gave up on both, I started to self-medicate, but none of my remedies was working. At that point, that deep dark hole, was starting to look like home.
As long as I was in that hole, I was surrounded by darkness and the idea that I’d never get out. More than a conqueror, I knew I had so much to offer and a lot of life still to live. So, I started to dig and crawl my way up, but every time I reached the top, I’d slip and slide right back down. This continued for years, until I finally gained enough strength and adopted the mindset of a survivor. Equipped with this, I was well on my way to becoming free!
Would I surprise you if I told you I finally got out…..THIS YEAR?! 20 years later, I managed to crawl out of that hole and I have no intentions of falling back in! Some of you may be in a hole, almost at the top, or have accepted the fact that you’ll never see the light of day again. However, I’m here to tell you, it may take days, months, years even, but eventually, you’ll come out! But, you’ve got to WANT to come out! It may seem as though things will never get better, but they will!
Do you want to live or survive? As long as you’re in that hole, you’re only living. But the minute you decide you want to survive, is the second you will do everything in your power to come out of your situation. No matter how your situation looks, don’t give up, and more importantly, whatever you do, DON’T STOP CRAWLING! Keep digging until you are no longer surrounded by darkness and dirt!
Until next time Note takers!