Notes by La'Rue

There have been several instances where someone has wronged me, but there was one occasion in particular that stood out. I’ve shared many times how I’ve felt personally attacked and preyed upon by a superior I used to report to. This person was not just, fair, nor did they represent or model, I should say, what a leader/manager should be. In fact, they were hell bent on making me the least, because they knew God had favored me the most. I make no admission that I was (or am) Employee of the Year (although I was bestowed that coveted award in 2014), however, I do know that I do what’s required and expected of me, and I do it very well! Nonetheless, this person harbored resentment towards me and conspired against me for two years to have me removed from my position, until God positioned me to leave.

After I gathered my belongings which had been gathered underneath my desk for months, I left relieved, at peace, and hopeful for my future. The next days that followed, I experienced a lot of hurt. I wasn’t hurt that God had removed me from that person’s toxicity. I was hurt because the two years that should’ve been used to manage and mentor me, were used to (try and) destroy me. I felt such immense anger and used some of the most impure language to describe them, which is a good reason why I never saw them again. I wanted so desperately to start a smear campaign as revenge, but I settled on unforgiveness. Besides, “How could I forgive anyone like that?” Yet God reminded me of the many times He forgave (someone like) me.

When I was flustered and upset at the things that person said or did to me, I had no peace. It bothered me to know how much they had bothered me, but nothing bothered me more than my unwillingness to forgive. In my mind, if I forgave them, it meant I’d dismissed their offense, but in actuality, I only dismissed the anger that was festering inside. While I will never forget what they did, I did find peace in forgiveness. Now when they cross my mind, I don’t boil with rage, because God has given me peace that surpasses all understanding (of what they did).

Forgiveness is a difficult fete and can take years to accomplish, depending upon the level of trauma experienced. Whether you do it tonight, overnight, or over the years makes no difference, so don’t be led to believe you have to do it now. When you forgive, you’re not excusing what happened or looking to make the offender happy, you’re doing it for yourself. Forgiveness is a powerful thing and can bring about a lot of healing, especially your own.

La’Rue