Notes by La'Rue

I’ve shared many times how I used to be a “negative Nancy.” Trying to make sense of my mental health issues, dealing with poverty, and battling my own personal demons was enough to keep me pessimistic. I couldn’t see the good in anything or find anything joyful about my life, because I hated it. I hated everything about it, but the thing I hated most was myself. I didn’t like me, and barely could show myself any love, which is probably why I never felt like I received any. I sabotaged, belittled and scolded myself constantly. I was my worst nightmare and enemy. I was angry almost always and verbally took my frustration out on others. I was upset and disappointed because I felt God had dealt with me in a horrible way. Even though I was all those things, please don’t call me Mara. What I went through was enough to leave anyone feeling bitter, but instead, it made me stronger. I didn’t realize the things I suffered through years ago, would give me the strength I desperately needed today. For the past two years, my life has been somewhat déjà vu. “I’ve been here before,” is what I kept telling myself. And how I handled things then, has helped me to push through the difficulty now. Don’t be like Naomi and give yourself a new identity because you’ve encountered some unfortunate circumstances. No matter how negative things are or what you’re going through, try your best to remain who God called you to be; “pleasant.”

La’Rue