I hid it

I remember when I first shared my mental health status publicly, I was met with disbelief, doubt, and criticism. One of the most upsetting and reoccurring things I always hear people say, when they find out I battle with depression and anxiety is, “Ain’t nothing wrong with you! You look fine to me.” I’m shocked, disgusted, and appalled even, but I softly sigh to myself, while also thinking, “If only you knew how difficult it was for me to be present today.” Not wanting them to see me cry, even though I’ve already started to on the inside, I smile and say, “It’s because I hid it. After dealing with it and people like you for years, I’ve mastered the art of playing pretend, although I’m slowly dying within.” Even after sharing my life story, people still think it’s just that, “a story,” but hopefully, mine will inspire and encourage others just like me. One thing I’ve learned about having high-functioning-depression, it can be very deceiving. There are a lot of times I appear to have it all together (when I’m completely falling apart), but my symptoms are hidden. Honestly, the only way people know they exist, is when I make them known. Otherwise, you too would probably think I’m “fine.”

I’ve been told by many “NOTE” takers how helpful and therapeutic my posts and transparency has been. While I’m grateful to know my struggles, are helping others get through or manage their own, it is important to know, I’m not a professional. I’m someone who wants you to live, because it is a constant battle trying to. It’s great to come to me for inspiration, but it’s better if you go to the professionals for help!

Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed, but most importantly, don’t keep hiding! Go talk to someone!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Deetra La’Rue   

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