Notes by La'Rue

How do you feel, when a family member of yours is climbing the ladder and they’ve just passed you on their way up? What does your self-esteem look like, when everybody knows your friend and constantly flocks to them, but nobody seems to recognize you? Do you find it difficult to support others, even when you aren’t winning? Is it hard for you to be happy for someone else’s success, even though you’ve achieved your own? Does it bother you that someone, other than yourself, is on top, although you know they’ve worked so hard to get there? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions or feel slightly uncomfortable, because this post seems to point a finger at you, chances are, you’re jealous! I don’t care who you are, how much money you have or the level of power you possess, you have experienced feelings of jealousy.

According to Webster’s dictionary, jealous is defined as, “feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages”. I want to share with you two quick stories. One, anybody that knows me knows my longing desire to have identical twin girls. When I was in Graduate School, one of my close friends, who had just gotten married, was not looking to expand the family; at all! In fact, she always spoke of not wanting children, because it was never a desire of hers. Lo and behold, she confided in me one day that she was pregnant, with twins!!!! Pissed was not even the word, but jealous was more like it, because how could she get the very thing that I wanted so badly, that she didn’t at all? Aside from the children, the other good thing that came out of this situation, is that we have been able to maintain our friendship. You know why? It was because, I was able to instantly recognize my unhealthy feelings. Instead of allowing it to damage our friendship, I was very honest with her about how I was feeling, and we were able to work through it. How many of you can honestly say they you would’ve done as I did and confronted your feelings, instead of lying about them?

Sibling rivalry can be very dangerous (deadly too) and cause dissension amongst each other. Although you would typically think your sibling would be happy for your success, sometimes they are the very ones that oppose it. Take these two ladies, for example. Samantha and Judy are sisters. For years, Samantha has had her eye on a diamond Rolex watch. After saving for what seemed like forever, she was finally able to purchase the watch of her dreams. Ecstatic, she went to Judy’s house to show off her new timepiece. It glistened, sparkled and shined, and was quite the beauty. Rather than express her happiness for Samantha, because she knows how long she’s wanted that watch, instead she’s resentful. Truthfully, Judy was not upset about the watch, but at the fact that her sister was the one wearing it. Although Judy has never been into watches, let alone wears them, she didn’t want her sister to have one, especially not one as expensive and gorgeous at that. As a sibling, would you keep quiet and pretend to be happy, or would you allow your jealousness to create problems between you two that doesn’t have to exist?

So, how does one get over being jealous? Here are a list of things that I feel will help you combat your jealousness.

1. Gratitude- Appreciate and express gratefulness for the things you have, so your concern won’t be focused on the things you don’t have.
2. Voice your concerns- It’s easy to be envious, but it’s hard to admit that you are. Rather than keep things bottled up inside, express what you are feeling, so you can find ways to cope with it.
3. Be honest (with yourself and the person you’re envious of)- Its okay to recognize your feelings and talk to the person you’re jealous of, about it. Don’t allow your pride to cause you to abandon your feelings, all for the sake of not wanting to be labeled as a “hater”.
4. Question yourself- Is your jealousy the result of something the other person has, or because you’re insecure? Do you have low self-esteem or lack confidence, so much so, that you feel you’ll never acquire the success that they have?
5. Therapy- You all know that I am a huge advocate of therapy, and sometimes your therapist can help you find the underlying issues (ones that you thought were hidden), that is causing you to project your hurt onto others, which comes out as being jealous.

I know this is a long post, but somebody has to be courageous enough to talk about it, and admit that they have been jealous before! I hope this helps!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue