Help! I need to get down!

I suffer from extreme acrophobia! I don’t like ladders, climbing to high places or being up top (unless it involves success). I stay clear of anything that will take me out of my comfort zone, and place me in a position of fear, and pedestals are one of them. I appreciate when people recognize me and present me with accolades, but I don’t like the “hype” that comes along with it.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don’t like being placed above others. I don’t like when people make me out to be more than I am, because the minute I don’t live up to their expectations, I immediately fall from their graces. I used to try to impress people and live my life for them, but I realized that no matter how good I was to them or did what they wanted or expected of me, when I did anything unacceptable in their eyes (no matter how small it was), they turned on me.

This is one of the very reasons I DO NOT LIKE TITLES! I’ve been labeled as a role model, inspiring, encouraging and the list continues. Although I appreciate it all, I am human and I make mistakes, and will continue too, as long as I live. I’m not saying they are intentional, but what I am saying is, I’m not always going to get it right. I’m not always going to be everything to everybody or the “star”, as my church likes to put it. I don’t mind people looking up to me (no pun intended), I just don’t want the persecution that comes along with it.

I speak about my church a lot, because they are some of my biggest supporters. They brag on me constantly and have expectations for me, some which I’m pretty sure I haven’t met. However, even I have to tell them, “I’m terrified of heights, so NO pedestals please”! I’m just Deetra; a Christ lover and writer. It may not mean much to you, but those are the only two titles I’ll accept. People will hold you in high regards, and then drop you low, when they feel you don’t rise up to their expectations. Remember, those expectations are their feelings, don’t make them your own!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Uncomfortable

I make people very nervous or uncomfortable, I should say. I used to wonder why, but when I realized it was due to their own insecurities, I stopped asking questions. People were uneasy around me, not out of fear, but because I was a threat. When I speak of threat, I’m not talking about imposing physical harm. I’m talking about a threat that my presence alone gives. This is not an attempt for me to boast or appear more than I am, but to bring attention to how your success can make others uncomfortable.

People love fame and notoriety, but only when it involves them. Because they feel there is not enough room for everyone to win, they become scared that you’ll end up occupying their space. Plans are formed and attacks are made, but none seem to hit the mark; you! I’ve probably shared this before, but I used to cry (literal tears) to one of the seasoned ladies at my church. I always told her that, “I didn’t understand why people didn’t like me”. I mean, seriously? What’s there not to like about me?

It was then she said to me, “Deetra, people see something in you that they lack, but want. They don’t know how you got it, so they’re being mean to you, because they can’t get what you have. What you possess is something special, and no one can have it, because it was given specifically to you”. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about, let alone what I “supposedly” had, but it was enough to make me feel better and stop my tears from falling.

Six years later, I realize “what” I have and why people are uncomfortable with me having it. I am destined for greatness, and that’s not something a lot of people can handle or be happy with. Regardless of their insecurities, I still have “it” in my possession, and there’s nothing they can do about it! People will be envious and threatened by you, but don’t change who you are, just for the sake of making them feel comfortable!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Caterpillars and Butterflies

Before you ever learned to walk, you had to once crawl. Although many of us have reached adulthood, a number of us are still stuck in the infancy stage. Some are fearful of getting up, because they don’t know whether they’ll stand or fall. Others are simply lazy, and don’t want anything out of life, except to depend upon others. As a result of their unwillingness to change, they go the rest of their lives living as caterpillars.

On the other hand, you have those that are ambitious, motivated and driven, so it’s only natural that they try to walk before they crawl. They don’t sit around waiting for handouts or others to do anything for them, because they are determined to do it for themselves. Crawling is not an option for them, because they’ve learned that all they have to do is embrace change, and they’ll be able to stretch their wings and fly. I love these type of people, because they are my butterflies.

Are you a caterpillar or a butterfly? Are you still crawling or have you decided to fly? Everyone will experience some type of change, but are you willing to embrace it, or remain the same?

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

I used to love you, but…..

I used to love you, but…..you’ve changed!

I’m not saying that isn’t a good thing, but it just isn’t good for me

You’ve taken away all of my benefits and have left me to fend for myself

Now who am I going to use?

I can’t make it without you, and even if I tried, it just wouldn’t be the same

You covered me, had my back and put me in a position to win

But, ever since you walked away, I’ve done nothing but lose

There’s no way I can make a comeback unless you come back!

So what? You’re just gonna leave me hanging like that?

You think you’re better than me now?

Well, before you go putting your head in the clouds

Just remember, I know who you are

You can run all you’d like, but you can never get away from me

I…..CREATED…..YOU

How dare you try to change, when we’ve been together for so long?

What is it? Am I not good enough for you now?

It’s funny what change will do to you, but that’s okay, because I don’t need you anyway!

Go ahead and have your fun, but I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you

When you find out things aren’t all you thought they’d be, you’ll be back

And I’ll be right here waiting

Sometimes it can be hard to change, especially when you are so used to being a certain way. You want to grow and get better, but a lot of times, you get in your own way. You’ll sabotage your growth, because even you aren’t comfortable with who you’re becoming. It’s okay to change, but don’t allow who you used to be, keep you from who you’re supposed to be!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Set a part

Ever wonder why you your vibe doesn’t mesh well with someone else? Or, why you just can’t get on the same wavelength as them? It seems no matter how hard you try to adjust, you just can’t seem to get “in tune”. There’s a disconnect, and you’ve been set a part for a reason. You’re on a different level, a higher one, and regardless of your desire to see others with you, they won’t be. It’s not to say you’re better than them, but where God is taking you, they can’t follow.

The space you’re in now, was created just for you. Naturally, you want to bring your family and friends along, but there’s simply no room for company. Although you may see the innocence in their presence, God sees a distraction. Because He knows the nature of your purpose, He won’t let anyone threaten it. Therefore, He’ll remove you from the bunch and set you off to the side, because He knows familiarity can cause contamination.

When we’re used to being around certain people, we become comfortable and don’t want to move. We like our surroundings and don’t want to leave, because we’ll be entering into unchartered territories. Yes, it’s new and not what you are accustomed to, but get comfortable, because you’re going to be there for awhile. There is a plan for everyone, and although we’d like for others to experience our every high, sometimes, God will keep them low.

You’ve been set a part for a reason. Trust the process, but more importantly, trust God!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

At least I didn’t give up

I don’t feel like fighting today, so that’s it, you win

Call me lazy, worthless or whatever you may, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already done the same

Every new day is looking more and more like the old

And I don’t think I can continue to relive the past

I should be over this, but I’m not, so bear with me while I talk this shit out

I need to get a grip, but when I think I do, I lose my handle

I’m tired and have never worked so hard to live

Funny, because I make life seem so easy, right?

Um, yeah, about that…..I have a very good way of manipulating one’s perception

I’m what you would call the “Pen and Teller” of distortion

Because I’ll have you seeing one thing, when it’s something entirely different

Tricks aren’t necessarily my thing, but hey, when you’re desperate, you’ll use whatever you have

Speaking of have, have you ever wondered why people talk about the same thing over and over again?

For some, they’re in need of attention, others a cry for help, but for me, it’s cleansing

Every time I open my mouth to speak, I rid myself of toxins

Otherwise, if I held on to them, they’d kill me…..literally!

Sheesh! The struggle is real, but I want to be able to say I got through it

You probably don’t get me, understand me or my reason for doing what I do

And much like you I sometime feel the same

However, while you’re so busy trying to figure me out

I’m here wondering if I’ll make it out of bed today

My life is like a whirlpool, stuck in one never-ending cycle

But, although I’m not at my best, at least I didn’t give up

I know a lot of my posts are repetitive, hard, admittedly depressing and no doubt “dark”. However, the more and more I talk about my struggles, the closer I get to the “light”. For those of you still struggling to make it through the tunnel, hold on, “A change is going to come”!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Falling flat

Amanda and Sarah are probably your #goals when it comes to friendship. They do almost everything together, and whenever you see one, you are bound to see the other. They share similar dreams, both are hardworking and dedicated, but Amanda is extremely motivated. Although they won’t admit it, they’re both competitive and will stop at nothing to succeed. But there’s one thing, Amanda gives 150 percent, while Sarah a mere 75.

Amanda is that ice cold Coca-Cola that you pop on a hot summer’s day. She’s strong, refreshing and full of carbonation. Knowing she only has a certain amount of fizz, she satisfies and fulfills you, because it’s only a matter of time before she begins to lose her taste. Rather than allow that opportunity to seize her, she in turn does everything she can to quench your thirst. Clearly, Amanda is the drink of choice, and Sarah is filled with jealousy, because she’s allowed herself to “fall flat”.

Rather than allow Amanda to shine, Sarah begins to fuss and wine about others admiration for Amanda, and how she’s allowing it to affect their friendship. The recognition Amanda is receiving is a result of her hard work and willingness to go above and beyond. When it comes to success, she doesn’t believe in shortcuts, let alone handouts. In order for her to accept the accolades, she has to work for them. Sarah on the other hand, is willing to allow others to put in the sacrifice while she reaps the benefits. Although she fairs well, Sarah can’t understand the reason Amanda always does better.

The difference between the two ladies boils down to one thing; who wants it more. Because of Sarah’s mediocrity, she’ll accept whatever she gets. It’s obvious she’s lost her fizz, and want the same for Amanda. However, because of Amanda’s drive, she’s dead set on going above the call. There comes a point in your life, where you’ll have people wishing you “fall flat”, because they can’t handle seeing you shine. Don’t ever dim your light, just so someone else’s can shine brighter. Everybody has a choice to do better, and if they want it, they’ll do whatever they can to get it. Keep being radiant, and keep doing you!

Until next time my NOTE takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue