When your peace of mind is worth more than the heartbreak

Being the bigger person sucks at times! The pressure is always on you to take the high road, when all you want to do is take your tormentor down the horrendous road, they’ve dragged you on for so long. I’m angry, my blood boils and I’m doing everything within my power, to stop my heart from beating with hate. At this point, I’m hurt and just want to give in to my desires, as wrongful as they may be. Besides, it’s costing me too much; my peace of mind for one!

I can’t always say I’ve been around good situations or the very best of people. More times than I’d like to admit, I was involved in a lot of unnecessary and hurtful arguments/disagreements. Expletives were yelled, voices reached their highest pitch and feelings were hurt, although no one wanted to admit it. My eyes are burning with rage, as I sit here taking a trip down memory lane.

No longer wanting to be apart of the problem, I began to turn a blind eye to all the envy and hate. I silenced myself in arguments and took a backseat to the drama, so I thought. Although I was in “attendance”, I promise you I wasn’t “present”. I became a punching bag, and I started allowing people to say whatever they wanted without striking back. Besides, it wouldn’t have done any good anyway, because their blows were much more lethal than any defense I could give.

Instead, I just sat there and took the beating……punch, after punch, after punch. I kept telling myself, “It’s okay. You’re not affected by any of this”. In fact, I was affected. I was angry, extremely bothered and wanted revenge! I couldn’t just sit back and allow someone to continue to treat me any less than I was, just because they felt that way about themselves. I….WAS……MAD! Not for the simple fact of how I was being treated, but because my peace of mind was gone! How could I allow someone to take the only thing I knew they couldn’t have?

I had to get my peace of mind back, because to me, it was worth more than the heartbreak of not having a relationship with someone very close to me. Then too, their actions alone proves to me, they not only don’t care about my feelings, but they don’t want a relationship with me. But, you know what? I’m totally fine with that!

I’ve settle on the idea that I can love people from afar. I don’t have to have a relationship with certain people, because I may never get the one I desire anyway. However, my peace of mind is too valuable for me to have it ruined, because of how someone else feels about me. I shouldn’t have to pay for their feelings! Rather than stay entangled in a position that I didn’t create for myself, I just chose to walk away. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but it’s for the absolute best!

*****Whispers to self, I would care, but this doesn’t involve me!*****

Until next time Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Breathe! You’re going to make it!

Ever felt like you couldn’t breathe, no matter how much you gasped for air? You probably felt like a fish out of water, suffocated or caged almost, because the pressures of life was just too overwhelming. You’re tired, exasperated and struggling to survive and keep up. Debt is steadily accruing, bills seem to come more than they need to, and you have more problems than you do money, to solve them.

You’re up to your eyeballs in frustration, because you don’t know if things will get better or take a turn for the worse. By now, you’re probably spiraling out of control and feel as if you’re losing it. The life you was once in control of, is now driving you. At this point, you start to question whether or not you’ve made the right life choices. Not satisfied with your decisions, you become pessimistic and hard on yourself.

Sadly, this causes the waves of defeat to rage even more. This is it! You now have feelings that your life is over, well before it even started. With no hope to grab onto, you slowly begin to slip under. Everything turns to darkness, and you’ve settled on the idea that things just aren’t going to get any better. At the point of no return, suddenly, you hear a voice from the rafters of the shallow water, and you fight to come up for air.

Tired, exhausted and unsure how much longer you can continue to take the dangerous currents, you keep on swimming. Alas, you’ve reached the top, and you smile, because you know your help has arrived! Struggling to stay afloat, you see a familiar face in the distance, but you can’t make it out. Your vision is blurred, because the thrashing from the waves has irritated your eyes.

Immediately, the silhouette you see is now clearer than ever! With His hands outstretched, you’re pulled from the raging waters and back into His arms of safety. Now that you’ve been pulled from the rafters, it’s time to start making some changes…..and positive ones at that! Establish your purpose and know your “Why”, because that is going to keep you motivated and help you stay focused amidst life’s many trials and tribulations.

Prioritize, get organized and become a better manager of your finances. The unexpected will happen and raining days will come, but so will “the Son”. No matter how difficult your circumstances become, don’t ever feel it’s easier to “tap out” from life. You’re going to continue to experience some highs and lows (some of us more lows than others), but don’t ever stop swimming, because when He speaks, even the waters (problems) “be still”.

You can now take off your life jacket. B.R.E.A.T.H.E. You’re going to make it!

Until next my Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

No longer the baby

“Honey, your father and I have something to tell you. You’re going to be a big sister”! As you watch their face light up, your world has just turned to darkness, because the spot (light) you’ve held for so long, is now gone. 1000 thoughts are racing through your mind, but the one that sticks out the most is, “What does that mean for me”?

Like the individual in the story above, a lot of you can probably relate. However, I’m not speaking about having a new sibling, but feelings of being replaced, left out or forgotten about, even. Sort of like your Freshmen year in college, you got all the attention, because everybody was curious as to who the “newbies” were on campus.

You probably experienced extra special treatment, because people wanted to ensure your first year was a success. Then, you became a Sophomore, and your title of once being the “new kid on the block” changed. Suddenly, you’re struggling to fit in and find a spot. “No longer the baby”, you feel left out and unimportant.

You’ve been shunned, and the light that once shone on you, is now shining on someone else. You’re desperate…..and will do whatever it takes to regain the attention and love you’re all too fond of. Stopping at nothing, you do all that you can to get people to “notice” you again, even if it means changing who you are.

Stop! Before you mess up a good thing (meaning you), I’d like you to consider this: positions change! You’re not meant to stay in the same spot forever, so don’t get comfortable! So many people miss out on great opportunities, because they’ve become complacent with where they’re at, and don’t want to move.

Advancement in employment is declined, because nobody wants the responsibility of leading (some people are good and perfectly okay, with following). Some women pass on a good husband, and men a good wife, because they’re too busy trying to turn the one they have into the one they want. Good luck with that!

The opportunity of a lifetime can come your way, but you refuse to give up your “something for nothing”. Sadly, you let your blessings pass you by, because you’re afraid of what the “shift” is going to do for you. However, you’ve got to understand that change is inevitable and sometimes it’s what we need most! You may be in a pretty good position, but there is something more promising and better on the way! All you need to do is get uncomfortable and move!

Until next time my Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

I would care, but this doesn’t involve me!

“Oh my gosh, they’re talking about me”, are the words circulating around in my head, as I walk past my worst enemies. More times than I’d like to admit, I’ve always cared about what others thought of me. “What are they thinking”? What are they saying”? For a long time, I imprisoned myself to those thoughts, and the idea that people simply didn’t like me.

Now, the latter is true, but for the most part, I had a pretty good bunch of people who did. I’m not sure why I was so pressed about others opinion of me, when it was simply that…their opinion. However, try telling that to a impoverished 14-year-old, who wore hand-me-downs, was made fun of constantly, and learned early on the definition of “the struggle is real”.

Sometimes, embarrassed to say, I was that girl! This self-sabotage continued for years, and only seemed to get worse. I can remember getting all my hair cut off and going natural, April of 2018. I was so excited, because I had been threatening myself with doing the “big chop” for so long. After I finally mustered up the courage to do it, suddenly I began to have second thoughts.

It was not that I was afraid of having no hair, but I was afraid of the things people would say and their reaction. Once again, I was bound by others thoughts and opinions of me. Man! What a sad way to waste your life! I couldn’t enjoy the moment of being free from all the negative things that I felt was associated with my hair, because I was too busy running to the hair store trying to find a wig to cover up.

To be honest, covering up and masking is what I have been doing for majority of my life. Not wanting to appear fazed or affected by people’s feelings towards me, I would wear a smile and portray this “bad *** persona”, that I didn’t care how people felt about me. Let me tell you, that was wearing me out! For awhile, I conceded, but when I realized I had given them power over me, I did what I needed to do to take it back!

I started tuning people out, and would often tell myself, “Those are their feelings, so you don’t have to own them”. Ultimately, when I turned a deaf ear and blind eye, they or what they said, didn’t matter to me anymore. Besides, I couldn’t “hear or see” them anyway. In life, you’ll have bullies, haters and people who simply talk for no reason at all. They’ll find any reason to pick you a part, because they don’t like themselves.

Sadly, they’ll ostracize you and enlarge your “problems” for the world to see, while minimizing theirs. It’s not anything you’ve done wrong to them, but sometimes, people are mean, because they see something in you that they want, but don’t have. Now, when I’m met with other’s thoughts and negative feelings of me, I say to myself, “I would care, but this doesn’t involve me”!

Until next my Note takers,

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

When all they have, is all they can give

Sometimes my expectations of people can be a little too high, and when they fail to deliver, I become upset and immediately want to “cut them loose”. I’d like to consider myself as always “setting the bar high”, but even I realized, that some people aren’t on my level (nor will they ever be), so I can’t expect them to meet me where I am. If anything, I’ve often lowered myself to meet them where they were.

After so many people “failed to meet my expectations”, I’d considered them useless and no longer valuable to my life. One of my many Sundays in church, the Pastor said, “Get you some people who know where you’re trying to go and live their lives on that level”. That resonated with me, because I felt like the so-called group that I affiliated myself with, just wasn’t on my level, nor were they trying to get there. After years of putting up with this, I started “cutting people loose”.

I saw no guilt or wrong in what I was doing, because ultimately I was doing myself a favor…..and a huge one at that! Besides, I was always tired of constantly supporting people and being there for them, but them not for me. I’d like to consider myself “Johnny on the spot”, and if there was anything someone needed from me or of me, I delivered, regardless if I had prior obligations or not. To me, they always came first.

However, when it came time to be there for me, they were “Absent Abby” or “Disappearing Dan” and always had an excuse. Why? Why couldn’t people be there for me the way I am for them? After self-reflecting and heavy counsel, it was all put in perspective for me. One, my expectations of people were incredibly too high. Two, people gave me only what they were able to offer. Although I’m always there for others, particularly physically and emotionally, they couldn’t give those things to me, because they didn’t know how.

Some of them were good at calling to check on me, supplied me with laughter to keep me from crying or provided encouragement when I needed to be lifted up, because that’s all they could offer me! I came to the realization (and accepted), that people were there for me in ways that they could be. Just because I was everything to them, doesn’t mean that I should’ve (or should) expected that of them. Some people are not good at being supportive, and it’s probably because they didn’t have a good support system or simply lacked it.

I had to stop cutting people off, just because they failed to meet my expectations. However, there were some people who were clearly taking advantage of me, never inpoured anything into me, yet always managed to take from me, whether it be my time, money or energy, so those I needed to let go. Before you decide to let a person or some people loose, because they aren’t everything to you, just as you are to them, remember, all they give you is probably all they have (or know how to give)!

Until next time Note takers,

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Words are weapons too!

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”. I can still hear the chant echoed by my elementary school classmates. However, truth of the matter, words do hurt! A lot of power lie within the tongue, so when speaking to someone or about someone, use caution with your words.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. People need to understand that just because you have a negative thought or the right to “speak your mind”, doesn’t mean you should say whatever comes to mind. Some people are incredibly sensitive, and even the smallest thing you say, can offend them.

I used to be the type of person that “whatever came up, came out”, but when I realized how damaging my words were, I quickly did away with them. I wanted to use my words to inspire and be uplifting, not insulting. Besides, my careless use of words to retaliate against others temporarily made me feel better, but left them with everlasting pain.

Rather than keep people down with my words, I chose to raise them up instead of lowering them. I had to (eventually) learn that every action doesn’t require a reaction or rebuttal. So now, when people speak negatively towards me, I let them!

It took me a while to be able to take the high road, I’ll admit. I had to remember that hurt people, hurt people. However, don’t become one of those people! Always turn the other cheek and walk away! Be careful of your thoughts, because they turn into hurtful words and ultimately bad actions. Just think about it, if you have to ask yourself whether or not you should say something, or question if anyone would get offended, it’s best to just keep quiet!

Until next time Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue

Keep Dreaming

One of my favorite stories in the Bible, is found in Genesis 37. It’s the story of Joseph, the son of Jacob and Rachel. Before you run, I’m not going to preach a sermon, but I want you to understand the importance of “sharing your dreams”. Joseph was the youngest of 12 boys, and also the favorite of their father, Jacob. As you can imagine, the family dynamics was anything but great, and because of Jacob’s favoritism to Joseph, the brothers resented and despised their youngest brother.

Joseph would often share with his brothers his “dreams”, and how they (brothers) would come to bow down to him. Filled with rage and envy, the brothers conspired to kill him. However, the oldest brother Rueben, although filled with hate and envy, didn’t want to see Joseph killed. Instead, he opted to sell him to Ishmaelite traders and concocted a story (to which the father believed), about how Joseph was slaughtered by a wild animal, and there was nothing they could do to save him.

Obviously distraught, their father Jacob, was inconsolable and mourned the “death” of his son for a very long time. A’las, the brothers could breath a sigh of relief, because “The Dreamer”, as they commonly referred him to, was gone. Lo and behold, one day as the brothers were out working, they saw a figure in the distance, one that was all too familiar. It was their “deceased” brother Joseph, walking in royalty to meet them.

Of course, this astounded them, because they thought they’d never see him again. See, when they sold him to the Ishmaelite traders, he ended up working for Potiphar, a palace official to Pharaoh. Even though his circumstances were harsh and unwarranted, he managed to come out on top. Why? Because, although his brothers were jealous and envious of him, he never stopped believing in his dreams.

Hopefully, you’re like me, and have many dreams and aspirations. Often times, we’re so excited about our visions and dreams, that we want to share them….with everyone. However, sometimes, that’s not the best choice to make. A lot of people are not assertive or don’t have any faith in themselves, let alone think they are capable of accomplishing anything. Therefore, they’ll try to “kill your dreams”, because they resent the fact that you see things that they don’t.

To them, your dreams maybe too big or simply overshadow theirs, but nonetheless, keep dreaming until they become a reality….YOUR reality! My dreams are not going to look like yours, and neither yours mine, but I’m not going to get in the way of them. Don’t stop dreaming, because someone else is afraid of your “possibilities”. If anything, protect your dreams and visions, but most of all, protect yourself from those who don’t BELIEVE in your dreams!

Until next time Note takers!

Writefully yours,

Deetra La’Rue