“Hey, do me a favor. Ask the guy in the “Communications Department” (not his true office…I don’t know if he reads here or not) if he has a girlfriend”, were the words I stated to my friend, Jeri. “Why can’t you do it, she said”? “Because, I don’t want him to know it’s me”! “Okay Dee, but I just hope he doesn’t think it’s me either”! I laughed as I hung up the phone, because I thought it to be so silly to have someone ask someone that I like, if they have a girlfriend, when I could’ve just done it myself!
I am probably one of the most boldest, confident and in-your-face people you’ll ever meet. I have no qualms approaching or asking a man for his number (sorry my old-fashioners), because the worst he can do is not give it to me. Either way, I’m not losing! However, I just could not bring myself to ask the guy in the Comm. Dept. for his number, let alone if he has a girlfriend. I kept running the scenarios in my head of what he would say to my question, or to me, once he found out it was I who was admiring him.
Whenever I would see or talk to him, my face would like up as bright as Times Square, I’m for certain my eyes “twinkled” and I felt like I was in 7th grade again, because I was crushing BAD! Not wanting him “see me sweat”, I tried to straighten up when I was around him, but I felt myself bending outta shape every time. I’m not sure if it’s because he is an AWESOME listener, extremely attentive, kind, shy (total turn-on) charismatic or plain ole good-looking, but I do know, it’s just “something” about him!
He and I continued to friendly converse with one another, and I no longer entertained the idea of the “unknown” that was plaguing me. Lo and behold, after my friend was done digging in the dirt for me, she delicately placed the shovel in my lap and said, “He’s in a relationship”. Well, d*mn! That sucked! Come to find out, that “unknown” that I was feeling, was that “this” (meaning him) was just too good to be true. Clearly not happy, I still accepted the response and remained respectful of his relationship.
By now, he knows it’s me and as suspected, whenever I’m in his company or pass him in the halls, I feel so awkward. I don’t know if it’s due to the fact that he knows it’s me, or because I like someone who’s in a relationship. Whichever the case, I’d NEVER cross the line or put someone in a position where they could not (or won’t, I should say) tell me NO! Yes, I understand that people cross the line all the time at their choosing, but I wouldn’t present them with the option to do so with me. Make sense?
Having said that, you have probably found yourself (or know of someone) in a similar situation. You feel so strongly about this person and they about you, so quite naturally you want to make the connection. Don’t! It’s not worth it, and although there are some people lying and waiting to “risk it all”, don’t let them do it at your expense. Just think, would you want your significant other to treat you in such a way? My sentiments exactly!
He and I had the opportunity to converse about the situation, and although it didn’t pan out the way I wanted it to, I’m very fortunate that he has been completely upfront and honest with me, respectful of his relationship and still wants to keep our work relationship and open line of communication with one another in tact. Honestly, I’m not mad at the situation, and I even joked and told my friend Jeri to give me 72 hours and I’ll have him out of my system!
It’s okay to like people, just as long as you like them from behind “the line”!
Until next time my Note takers!
Writefully yours,
Deetra La’Rue
Notes by La'Rue 
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